The Cosmopolitan  Wife….Who is she? The Cosmopolitan Wife wears an "S" upon her chest. She is a confidante. She is a motivator. She is a praying machine. She walks in God's grace. She cooks (to the best of her ability.) She cleans. She is serious about her career, but makes sure it doesn't interfere with her role at home. She is humble enough to respect her husband's position as "King of his Castle." She is secure enough to submit & follow his lead. She knows how to be a team player. She puts God first & the hubby second. She exudes love. She exudes patience. She exudes respect. She does all this with a smile, a sense of style, rocking a bomb pair of stilettos and with a martini glass in one hand. She is me... IS SHE YOU? 

The Sense of Touch

Further ignite intimacy between you and your spouse by tapping into nature’s most evoking sense, the power of “the touch.”  Assist in helping the hubby relax and release some tension by giving him a romantic massage.  Follow these helpful tips to perform a massage that will lead to a sensual moment that you can share with your partner.    

First set the mood.  Choose a nice, quite and private spot within your home.  Then, dim lights to a comfortable setting.  In the background, play soft melodic music.  Have the volume low enough for you to talk comfortably over.  You don’t want the music to be overpowering; it should only serve as a backdrop to the mood.

Use candles, warm lotions or essential oils to enhance his experience.  Certain scents can help put your partner in a more relaxed state.  Try floral, lavender, sandalwood or vanilla smelling candles and oils for his massage.  These scents are known for their stress-reducing, comforting powers.

  

Begin with your husband lying down on his stomach.  You want to start by simply rubbing your hands down his head, neck and back, with no pressure.  The objective here is to simply increase the temperature between your hands and his back.  Repeat this movement for a couple of minutes to get him use to your touch.  Use this time to encourage a little flirty conversation between you two. 

Once you feel that your partner is used to your touch, straddle his body (a leg on each side), let your hands press firmly into his back, and begin performing a stroking movement.  Start from the neck down.  Each stroke should begin from the spine and roll off the sides of his body.  Try to keep even pressure between each of your hands.  The key here is continuous movement!

Maintain a continuous flow during the entire massage.  Make your movements blend together in harmony.  Each movement should enhance the pervious and prepare for the next.  Make sure your strokes are fluid because a jerky massage will kill the mood, and his back. 

Both you and your spouse are sure to enjoy the intimate atmosphere you created.  He should be very appreciative.  Enjoy!

Always Carry Her! (Please Read)

“When I got ...home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

~Anonymous

Falling in love requires a PULSE; Staying in love requires a PLAN

Thought to ponder: Falling in love requires a pulse, but staying in love requires a plan. 

So, do you and your spouse have a plan?  We take time to plan everything else in our lives.  We plan vacations, weekend events, financial goals, etc., but do we plan love?  Do you and your spouse have a plan to “stay in love?”

Our vows are a good start.  It’s a great general structure, but now it’s time for action.  Here are a few points to iron out and discuss as you and your mate create your plan to stay in love.   

• Realize when that argument isn’t worth having

• Go the extra mile to be romantic.

• Show your appreciation

• Compromise

• Discuss finances

• Share dreams, goals and even fears with each other

• Be honest

• Confess your mistakes

• Say you’re sorry when you’re wrong

• Forgive

• Be patient

• Don’t threaten to leave

• Make a promise that divorce is not an option

• Fight fair

• Don’t hold grudges

• Know your spouse’s breaking point or hot buttons

Is your love conditional?

"Most, if not all, divorces are formed from WORLDLY love because partners don't have true faith.  They base their love on limits & circumstances." ~ K. Lee

PONDER THAT!

Marriage is a special union built on unconditional love…UNCONDITIONAL LOVE… Hmmmm! Lets take a minute to break that word down to its truest description. 

• The word unconditional is an adjective meaning not limited by conditions; absolute.  

• The word love is a noun with several meanings, but the most relevant for this content would be, a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

Is your love conditional?  What circumstances would make you pack your bags and sign those papers? 

Far too often I hear married individuals say “I love my wife/husband, but if she/he (FILL IN THE BLANK). I’m out!”  What’s your blank?  The obvious, and most popular, response would be cheating.  But, we know that life brings along other obstacles that have you rethinking your marriage status.  In marriage, we are put through challenging circumstances as a way to show us how to love our spouses the way God loves us, UNCONDITIONALLY. 

 “4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8  

A prayer for a wife & a husband

Dear God:

I lift to you in prayer the institute of marriage.  Today’s world has corrupted the sacred covenant you have created.  Today I pray for all those who have or getting ready to embarked on their marital journey.

My prayer for a “WIFE”

• May she make you her first love, so that she can truly love her husband as unconditional as you love us
• May her will align with your will
• May she increase in patience
• May she humble herself to her husband the way Sarah did to Abraham
• May she increase in self-esteem and self-worth
• May she increase in supporting and uplifting her husband, being his one and only cheerleader
• May she choose her husband first, even before her children, for the essence of their family starts with the relationship between her and her husband
• May she increase in love
• May she stay prayerful
• May she have confidence
• May she resist temptation
• May she stay loyal & faithful to you and to her husband 
• May she have a forgiving heart

My prayer for a “HUSBAND”

• May he solely look to you for guidance in becoming the leader of his home
• May he make you his first love, so that he can truly love his wife like Christ loved his church
• May he increase in sensitivity for his wife and his children
• May he not mistake his leadership role as a dictatorship
• May he have a forgiving heart    
• May he stay prayerful
• May he increase in wisdom
• May he increase in strength, both physical and mental
• May he increase in love
• May he stay loyal & faithful to you and his wife
• May he resist temptation
• May look to you to take away the stress that falls atop his shoulders
• May he cherish his wife

Steel House or Glass House

Marriage is a sacred covenant between you, your spouse and God.  Your spouse is more than just your lover, your provider, your friend, your support system, he is a test to your relationship to the one above and vise versa, and you serve as his test.  The Bible gives specific instructions on the institute of marriage.  It outlines specific details on how a wife should treat her husband and how a husband should treat his wife and what the union symbolizes.  Your marriage is a direct reflection of your personal relationship with God.  The more you love, align and submit yourself to God, the more you can love your spouse unconditionally, be patient, be loyal and be true to him.  A marriage foundation built on God produces a house made of steel.  A marriage foundation built on anything else produces a glass house built on sand.  When the enemy (greed, jealousy, temptation, sickness, debt, etc.) comes and starts throwing rocks, which house would you rather be in?