Sister Circle LIVE!

Sister Circle is one of my favorite social gatherings!  I was introduced to Sister Circle by one of my closest sister-friends.  Sister Circle is a concept where a group of us would casually meet over someone's house, bringing a dish and a bottle J We came equipped with questions on different topics from relationships to politics.  All of our questions were written down and placed anonymously in a basket.  The host would read each question and the group had 10 minutes to discuss or debate each topic.

My sister-friend made it more interesting when she hosted a Co-ed Couples Circle.  Talk about good times!  It took a while for our men to really open up to talk, but when their guards were down OH BOY did the conversation start!  It was therapeutic for many of the participating couples, including me and my hubby (back then, the boyfriend.)  It was kind of like this blog.  It served as an open, non-intimidating forum for us to talk, listen, get other peoples opinions, debate and have fun with friends.  After our first Co-ed Couples Circle it became big on our monthly “things to do” list. 

Since we have moved I haven’t been to a Sister Circle L So, I thought it be a great idea to play with all of you.  Below are some questions to ponder.  Feel free to answer them via your comments or share with your spouse and your closest friends.    

1. How often do you believe it is normal to want sex?
2. What was the hardest obstacle you guys had to overcome as a couple? 
3. What was the most romantic thing your mate did for you?
4. What is your mate’s best quality
5. What was the most romantic thing YOU did for your mate?
6. On a scale from 1 to 10 how happy are you right NOW?  
7. How do you express your love to your mate?
8. How often do you tell your mate you love them?
9. How does your friend's describe you?
10. What is the one thing that would be a relationship breaker for you?
11. Finish this sentence....I love when my mate.........
12. What is your best quality?
13. Can men and women really just be friends?
14. What do you admire most about your mate?
15. Do you think it's ok to keep noticing another people after you are in a committed relationship? Does this change when you are married?
16. When was the last time you took a shower together?
17. Is there anything you were passionate about when you were younger but that you gave up?
18. What is the one thing YOU need to work on?
19. If you could change one thing about your spouse what would it be?
20. If you could change one thing about YOURSELF what would it be?

Tale of a Newlywed Followers..........Fill free to add more questions to list via your comments!

Which televison couple best describes you and your mate?

As I'm pondering on the question at hand, I'm filled with a little tickling laughter thinking about my marriage and seeing many similarities between us and some relationships portrayed on television.  But, of course, one stands out above the rest.  I can soooo relate to the relationship between Dwayne and Whitley Wayne. 

Dwayne always managed to bring Whitley back to reality when her extremely boogee attitude reached it's peak.  Both were serious about their careers and held each other, their closest friends and family close to their hearts.  Whitley certainly wasn't Mrs. Susie Homemaker, but she took care of her "pookie" the best way she knew how, by showering him with love, support and affection!  And her "pookie" took care of her.  He always did a little extra to make her smile, even if it meant working over time to satisfy her expensive taste.     

Below is my short list of television couples.  I can certainly see some similarities with the couples below and the couples I'm surrounded by.  Feel free to add more couples to the list.  I'd love to hear your feedback.

Cliff and Clarie Huxtable -  Television's favorite couple of all time!  They were able to juggle successful careers and raise their five children in a loving, fun, down-to-earth, family-oriented environment.  Both Cliff and Clarie knew how to "stay in their lane." They ran their household with dual leadership and respect for one another. 

Derek and Meredith Shepherd - So it's not your typically (or realistic) ending to a one-night stand, but the drunken hookup ended in loving, romantic bliss.  This couples common interest is saving other peoples lives connect them on many levels.  Even though they live together, work together and share the same friends, they never can get enough of each other.

Homer and Marge Simpson - We all wonder how Marge puts up with her idiotic husband, but all-in-all he’s her Homey.  Their love has endured the many trials and tribulations HE has brought to their life.  In this relationship, although Homer "brings home the bacon," Marge defiantly is the head of the household.  Husband and children look to her for direction, solutions and support.

Dan and Roseanne Conner - Mr. & Mrs. blue-collar.  This marriage was full of its ups and downs.  Even through their financial struggles, bothersome in-laws and sometime horrible acting children, they stilled managed to show true love for each other.

Ricky and Lucy Ricardo - Lucy was a devoted housewife and an attentive mother whose scatter-brained tactics turned any ordinary household chore into a complete and unprecedented disaster.  Lucy's husband, Ricky Ricardo, was an attractive gentleman with an excitable personality, but his patience was frequently was tested by his wife's antics.

Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big - Carrie’s on-again, off-again romance with Big gave her a lot of grief through the years, but also much joy. And through it all, they knew in their hearts they were destined to be together.

Help add to the list!

He's in his man cave. Should i knock?

He's in his man cave. Should i knock?

The conversation starts.... "Girl, he's acting funny. He's been in a funky mood the last couple of days.  He's walking around the house all quite and stuff. He ain't smiling. He ain't laughing. When I ask him what's wrong he says 'nothing.' I know something is wrong! So, then I ask him again and he explodes!" Deep sigh **  He's experiencing the "cave man syndrome" - the action that most men take when the weight of the world is stressing them out.  As they sit back and try to sort things out, they systematically shut down and go into hibernation.

Sister/friends describe the home atmosphere usually as uncomfortable, awkwardly silent and cold.  It's a relatively lonely time for wives when their hubbies have entered the cave.  Remember love is patient because during this time the best thing for a wife to do is be patient while the hubby goes to figure the solutions out on his own.

Remember love is kind! Even though he might not be pleasant  to be around, it's important that you continue to show your love for him, but balance it out with still giving him space. Continue to cook dinner, continue to say kind words, continue to send sweet "just thinking about you" texts and continue to smile. Remember he's not mad at you, he might be mad at the world, but not you. You can't take it personal.

I've seen sister/friends react in different ways and it seems that those who give the space needed get their normal acting hubbies back sooner.  When their hubbies are in the cave, my sister/friends are usually over my house with a bottle of wine :-) Or, calling me ready to burn credit cards up at Macy's.  So when the time comes for me to give my hubby the needed space, I'm expecting my sister/friends to have the Pinot chilling!

Reflect and then smile!

Marriage is a commitment to life, the best that two people can find and bring out in each other. It offers opportunities for sharing and growth that no other relationship can equal.

It is a physical and an emotional joining that is promised for a lifetime.Within the circle of its love, marriage encompasses all of life's most important relationships. A wife and a husband are each other's best friend, confidant, lover, teacher, listener, and critic. Marriage deepens and enriches every facet of life.

Happiness is fuller, memories are fresher,commitment is stronger, even anger is felt more strongly, and passes away more quickly. Marriage understands and forgives the mistakes life
is unable to avoid. It encourages and nurtures new life, new experiences, new ways of expressing a love that is deeper than life.

When two people pledge their love and care for each other in marriage,
they create a spirit unique unto themselves which binds them closer
than any spoken or written words.

Marriage is a promise, a potential made in the hearts of two people
who love each other and takes a lifetime to fulfill.

Written by Edmund O'Neill

LOL...Girl you contemplating divorce!

LOL....Girl you contemplating divorce. AWE! honey now you're really married!! (clap,clap,clap)

So when my bestie mummered that over the phone, after the awkward silence, was an immediate roar of laughter from the both of us! I immediately remembered 8 years back when I got a phone call about 6 months after her I Do's, with her on the other line balling and crying her little eyes out screaming.... "This ain't gonna work. I'm leaving this nigga! I want a divorce." 

As the bestie, I was obligated to ask what happened and listen to her vent.  Then I came to the realization that they were arguing over nothing, an insignificant situation that wasn't a big deal. Fast forward....and here I am on the phone with her again, this time the roles are reversed. I'm upset over a small, tiny situation and jumping off the deep end, ready to throw in the towel! 

We get so wrapped up in our emotions it's just sickening. Ain't it? It's never as bad as it really feels. Well, unless it's physical abuse, in which case, yes girlfriend ya need to get a divorce! 

Do you still remember your vows? Go back to the video, the shit was deep! You promised a lot to him (and God)! God knew marriage wasn't an easy romantic walk in the park.  That's why he made only two legit ways to get out of it, adultery and death!  

From older married couples I hear you'll get tired of arguing over the small stuff.  Making "a point" becomes pointless.  And, sometimes just letting it go is so much more satisfying then having the last word.  At the end of the day, I may be mad at him right now, but I'd be devastated without him in my life! He ain't going nowhere and I ain't going nowhere...The same conclusion my bestie came to 8 years ago and before the three kids! In the words of my grandaddy - when ya angry you can run out the house through the front door, but ya better just go around and run back in the house through the back door.

I may not like him today, but I love him everyday!

I may not like him today,  but I love him everyday!

Famous quote from my loving mother, who has been married to my father for over 30 years.  Envision marriage as a wildlife safari, and not so much as a helpless romantic novel.  In a safari everyday is a new adventure. Today you bask in the serene beauty of the midday horizon, you watch the antelope frolic across the grassy plains, the air is fresh and the wind is pleasantly blowing through your hair while your racing through the savanna on a 4x4. Now, tomorrow, there is a different forecast! The sweltering heat is unimaginable, your about to have a heat stroke, the 4x4 ran out of gas and your walking miles on dangerous grounds....ROAR, Uhhhh, sounds like a hungry lion lurching.. Uh oh. But, all in all, taking a safari vacation is a once in a lifetime experience worth taking.

Going back to the title of this entry.  It's okay not to like him today. He's getting on your nerves. He didn't take out the overflowing trash that you asked him two days ago to dispose of. He left his mustache hairs on the bathroom sink you just cleaned.  He washed the clothes, but left them  on the couch for you to fold and put away. He comes in, walks past the closet and throws his coat on the couch.  He thinks he is always right.  He didn't trim the bushes. He has the nerve to call you a nag. Yup! You ain't gotta like him, but you love him because he's there rubbing your shoulders when you've had a rough day at work.  He's there providing the best for your family.  He's there praying for you.  He's there to make you laugh and he's there with an " I love you" text in the middle of day, just to make you smile. And he's there wiping the tear from your face because he doesn't like to see you cry.

Me and my sister/friends could go on and on about our hubbys and there half ass chores, their sometimes insensitive attitudes and their pure laziness, but when it all said and done we are still deeply in love with their crazy asses!

Wives Tales

Just a newlywed! Not even a year into the game, but the journey thus far has been a fun, whimsical, yet emotional, roller coaster. Full of it's highest high and lowest low and sometimes it just lands somewhere in the middle. My husband is my friend, my lover and my strength. I wouldn't trade him for another make or model. I love him with every breathe that I take, but in that same breathe he can get on my last nerve. In the words of my loving mother-in-law, sometimes he just makes my asshole hurt! But, all in all I love him! You never know what your truly going to go through in marriage until you truly GO THROUGH. And, when we as women go through we tend to share, discuss and get advice from our sister/friends.  Those girlfriends so close you swear their your blood sisters! Lucky for me, I have a lot of great sister friends that have successful marriages.  As I face different situations in my marriage, sometimes it feels, like I've seen or heard it before. The truth is, I have! I've been there with my sister/friends when they went through there highest high and lowest low. It's refreshing to know me and the hubby aren't the only ones that go through. It's refreshing when you hear that someone has been through exactly what you're going through. Let's face it they don't tell ya everything in premarital counseling! So sister/friends here's our stories....